what this is & who I am-

I am not very certain what this is or what it may turn into, but I do know what it is not. This world is a noisy place of people hustling an agenda, business, opinion, side, and I have been so hesitant to take up space in the world with my voice because I desperately don't want to add to the noise. Instead, I hope to be an instrument, a part of the symphony, the life giving sound, the good stuff. All that I can share is what I know and what I have walked through. 

My body showed up on the scene uncooperative. From day one, my digestive system proved it was unfit for the task of eating and processing food. Lazy obstinate frustrating freeloader. This gut, affenctionately named Fidel Gastro, has called the shots for over 30 years. It decides when I wake up (middle of the night diarrhea, sleeping until noon in pain). It hijacks my energy. It conjurs up cauldruns of nausea and gurgling attempts at digestion. It tells me what I may eat, when I may eat, and if I may eat at all. It cancels plans and laughs at my daily agenda. It has required extensive surgery, daily medical intervention, and full time attention. I cannot diet, smoothie or vitamin my way out of this.

It is loud. This body is so obnoxiously loud. 

The Loud Bear is a place for those familiar with the loudness of pain. Like a three year old child demanding their way, pain is difficult to ignore. It screams, it barks orders, pain demands attention. Underneath all of the shouting symptoms and the drum of suffering there is the sweet hum of a life that is worthwhile and beautiful. How can you hear it? In the same way the trained ear of a musican can pick up on and give name to the notes that surround the rest of us unnaware, listening to life is a skill that can be cultivated. There are ways to turn up the volume on what is lovely, right, worthy of attention. A rough day can still be a good day. A weak body can surely house a strong spirit. Pain is not the end of the story.

Lean in and listen.